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Spiderman 3

I just wasted $9.75 and two and a half hours of my life. I want my soul back. But at least I can do my best to use my experience to prevent my fellow geeks from this deep, painful hole that was burned into me during the movie.

It sucked. Worse than I ever expected, and I knew they were going to fuck up Venom. I knew they were going to fuck up the Symbiont. I knew they'd fuck up Sandman and Spidey's relationship with MJ. I just didn't know they'd turn Spiderman into a pitiful attempt at a tear-jerker.

Take the soundtrack from "The Notebook." Now add painfully awkward dialog, unoriginal camera work and potentially bad ass action scenes set to emotional music and a strong sense of deja vu, and you have "Spiderman 3."

Five minutes into the film, I commented to my friend that the music wasn't fitting for Spiderman. At the end of the movie, I thought about crying because of how badly it was botched. I will say this: they got how the Symbiont arrived on earth right, and they got how the Sandman came to be right. But that's about where the "right" ends and the "massive fail" begins. Too much time was spent focusing on ensuring the villains were sympathetic and righteous in some manner. The rest of the time was spent focusing on how insensitive Spidey is to MJ's emotional duress and needs, and how important his friendship with Harry is. Touching stuff, s'rly. The lacking aspect? Let me think about that for just a second... oh yeah. The action, the epic fights and all that shit that makes it SPIDERMAN!

Now I'll admit, I went to the movie with the hopes of some exhilarating fight scenes, maybe some geeky love talk that makes Spidey Spidey, and the resignation that Venom was going to be botched beyond recognition. Granted, the comic lover in me craved an accurate depiction of, at the very least, who Venom was and how he became, but I wasn't really expecting to see it. Lucky me. I didn't see it. Because they fucked it up so badly that the character that should have been the most awesome sorta-villain of all time was... um... kinda lame.

I'll be honest. I wish I hadn't gone to this movie. I was overwhelmingly disappointed, even though I knew it wouldn't be up to par with the previous Spiderman films. Even as a stand-alone movie, which, we all know by now, you must take comic book movies as, it sucked. Sorry guys, but there just wasn't enough in the 2.5 hours to redeem the few completely amazing scenes in the context of the entire movie.