Astonishing X-men are truly astonishing... in the pants

A few months back, by the recommendations of one of the Comic Shop guys, I picked up the first two trades of "Astonishing X-men," one of the multitude of spin-offs that twist and turn the X-men universe into directions previously only the wet dreams of comic geeks everywhere.

This is one of those comics.

Firstly, let me say that it's refreshing to read an X-men series that doesn't feature Wolverine or Jean Grey. I love both characters, but they're old, cliche, and, honestly, overdone. Instead, Astonishing X-men features a post-Jean Grey/Phoenix school run by Emma Frost after the "disappearance" of Professor X. And she's banging Cyclops.

Let the record reflect, I hate Emma Frost. Her powers are over-done and pitiful, she dresses like a whore, and she's just not good-guy material.

Luckily for me, she isn't a good guy.

For all those X-men readers who want to see what happens when Cyclops stops being a pussy, Wolverine spends an entire issue talking like an English school girl, Kitty Pryde goes hardcore and kicks massive amounts of ass, and Emma Frost is the ultimate villain, go spend a few bucks and pick these up. I won't go into terrible detail reviewing these, because I hate spoiling some of the best comics I've read in a long time for other people.

But holy god "Astonishing X-men" kicks butt.

Amy out.

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Begin Transmission
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From: Tech-Adept Overseer Mons Farrar, Department of Machine Purity, Mars
To: All Domus personnel, Holy Terra

Date Sent: 1683007.M41
Date Received:0692007.M41
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While you may not toil under the banner of the Machine Cult, you all serve the Omnisiah whether you know it or not. You all understand that the most holy of holies is Knowledge itself and as such, strive to find more. With this Knowledge you expand the number of devices you can cajole into your service. This is a noble goal and one that would start many of you on the path of the Machine God. There is one issue, however, that you may not fully comprehend.

While you may hold many a machine under your sway and while you may have the Knowledge to operate and manipulate these Machines, do you give them the proper respects? If a machine under you fails in some way, do not blame it. Such failure most likely occurred because of a lack of tribute to the Machine Spirit on your part. This is a grievous error, one that would end many aspiring Tech-Priests before they knew they had failed.

There may still be time, however, to repent and restore the Spirits once neglected. The best place to start would be the manufacture of such a Machine, mainly it’s assembly. Under most circumstances, this would be by and in the presence of, at the very least, an Adept. But, given the… peculiarities of the House members, I believe the Omnisiah may grant you his blessings in such an endeavor.

When assembling a Machine that is to enter your service, ensure that the Machine Spirit will be able to properly enter the shell. This means having the proper blessed oils and tools, as well as an appropriate blessing for the type of Machine [1a]. Should the rites fail for whatever reason, the Machine Spirit will not be properly seated in its new habitation and the device will most likely never function reliably.

Should any of the required elements be in short supply or be unattainable or if proper creation rites were not issued, due amounts of praise [1b] to the Machine Spirit and the God Machine may suffice, though proper rites should be sought as soon as possible.

And remember, when performing standard maintenance an offering should be made and praises be put forth to soothe the Machine Spirit and minimize any irritation the intrusion may cause.

Perform these tasks and your Machines will not fail you. Perform these tasks and may you reach the blessed Knowledge of the Omnisiah. I trust you will not fail us.


[1a]
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to deliver us from danger.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to invest this metal carcass with your spirit.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to bring life unto the inanimate.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to summon forth the holy en-Djinn.

[1b]
Mechanism, I restore thy spirit. Let the God-Machine breathe half-life unto thy veins and render thee functional.


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Only through permanence can we truly triumph, only through the Machine can we find victory.

End Transmission
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Dear god, no. Don't punish him for what I said...

The Comic Gods have decreed that my diatribe aainst Ghost Rider could not go unpunished. So they decided to hit me where it would hurt the most.

They killed Cap.

The worst part is, they shot a fish in a barrel. If Cap had gone out fighting the Red Skull, I would have been okay. if Cap had been killed in Civil War, I would be sad and hurt, but not to this degree. But no. The kiled him when he was restrained, probably doped to the eyeballs, and without his shield. Fuckers.

The only way this could get worse is if Nick Fury pulled the trigger.

*off to mourn*

-Gregor

nVidia GeForce 8800 GTX- sexy as hell

When nVidia released the GeForce 8800 GTX, I almost wet myself with excitement. This graphics card has it all: fast, steller graphics, top of the line, and, to sweeten the deal, it probably won't become obsolete for a while. Label me impressed.

This 8800 is revolutionary for graphics cards everywhere. It has a new design and architecture, thus making it difficult to compare it to previous cards. But it's still got the basics: core clock speed of 575 MHz, 768 MB of DDR3 RAM that clocks to 900 MHz with a 1800 MHz data rate, 128 stream processors, and power. Oh so much power.

Unlike other graphics cards, the 8800 GTX doesn't assign any pipes to a particular task, which in turn allows rapid, efficient processing of whatever information you throw its way. In other words, it can focus all it's resources at a certain task instead of capping out at 48 pipes. I would put money on game designers taking advantage of the abilities of this card in future games, knowing that more proccessing power can be used.

Ok, now an overview of the power of this baby. The transistor count is 681 million on a 90 nm process chip. Reccomended power supply to fuel this monster? 450-watts with a high-end duel-core processor. In other words, while you can probably make this card work in your SLI-rig, it's gonna be hard. There are two power connectors on the back of the card, yada yada yada, instillation shit, ok, next.

nVidia reccomends pairing this sexy piece of gaming graphics capability with a moniter that can handle it. Apparently the 8800 gets a little bored if you can't play at high-resolutions and can have CPU bottlenecks. But that's not really a big deal, and if you have a top of the line moniter, the graphics are orgasmic and unprecidented. Yes, that sexy. I promise.

The main problem with the 8800 GTX is it's fucking huge and runs extremely hot. There's no way in hell you can put it in a shuttle, and unless you have the most massive case you can find, you probably won't get it into your tower, either. Power supply has also proved to be an issue, as there are a few cases where you simply cannot have that much power, as well as cooling systems. Do yourself a favor and don't spend the money for this card if you don't have a spectacular cooling system, as frying a paycheck is probably cheaper. High customer reviews (I only found one bad review, and the guy appeared to be a blubbering idiot (yes, I checked his background) so I discredited him) and new hardware coming out that will make coupling this baby with bigger, better motherboards and processors possible, thus increasing the sexy factor, make me say that this is the graphics card to get if you're planning on upgrading anytime soon.

I will say that I don't reccomend upgrading to the 8800 GTX if you are planning on replacing your computer anytime soon. Actually, I'd just build a new system around this baby (ok, so maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to get a new computer). Killer graphics, top of the line (ATI has nothing that can come close to this) and lots of potential... yeah, I'm sold.

UBUNTU! (6.06 Dapper Drake)

So.
Ubuntu.
An interesting system, that. It starts you off with a nice, light, and fast GUI. It comes with:
-Open Office,
-Firefox,
-Oogles of games,
-Many software options over the internet,
-And lots of instant hardware support.

However, it gets confusing fast. There is a steep learning curve with the Terminal (command line interface), through which anything important is run. Example - to install Java or MATLAB, you have to do it through this Terminal. As such, it does have a much steeper learning curve. However, once you've crawled up it a ways, and learned some basics, you can actually do pretty powerful things with it. Thus you can definitely tell that it is still a command line driven system, as compared to Window's primarily graphical interface. What is comforting is that it does copy most of Window's shortcut commands and idiosyncrasies, and it has enough of a GUI that novice users can use it and not see a noticeable difference.

Installation was fairly easy. The process that I went through is as follows. First I backed up everything from my laptop onto my desktop, so that in case it all didn't work out, I could restore from that. Next I restarted with the windows CD in, and used it to reformat the drive as such:
-20 GB NTFS partition - for installing Windows XP
-10 GB FAT32 partition - for storing photos and such so I can access them from both operating systems
-6 GB unformatted partition - for installing Ubuntu 6.0.6, otherwise known as Dapper Drake
-1 GB unformatted partition - for use as a Linux swap file
-250 MB unformatted partition - for my laptop's QuickPlay system (plays music and DVD's without starting up an OS)

Now, those of you that are partition savvy will realize that that's 5 partitions on an IDE drive, which normally isn't a happening thing. Thus, the 6 GB and 10 GB partitions I made as logical disks within an extended partition (I think that's the correct terminology). Anyway, I continued and installed Windows XP, went through it's Microsoft update saga, and then downloaded the Ubuntu 6.06 ISO from www.ubuntu.com, and then burned it to a CD.
I then left it in the CD drive, restarted the computer, and started from the CD. I selected the top option, (start from CD or something like that), and loaded Ubuntu from the CD, and then double clicked the install link on the desktop. After that I followed easy instructions, formatted the partitions that I had set aside for it, and installed Ubuntu. After a restart, I was first presented with the GRUB boot loader, which gives you the option of starting into Ubuntu Linux, or starting Windows XP. I selected Linux, and let the goodness begin.

As I said, the hardware support 'out of the box' was excellent. All of the hardware on my hp dv4000 has thus far been supported naturally, including my wireless card, my Ethernet card, and the scroll bar on the side of my touchpad, as well as my CD/DVD-RW drive. In fact, I'm writing this from the Engineering Center Lobby at the University of Colorado at Boulder, over my wireless connection. I must admit though, I have problems connecting to secured wireless networks, including the one where I'm living now, so it's not always hitchless.

Co-existence with Windows XP has thus far been peaceable. I'm able to read and write photos, office document files, and other things on the 10 GB shared partition from either system without a hitch. And the boot loader doesn't add any significant noticeable time to startup. One minor peeve about that though, is that it gives you 10 seconds to select a system to start, and automatically boots into Ubuntu, even though I sadly most often want to boot into XP.

So far, it's been much faster than XP, especially in startup, shutdown, and application starting. Most noticeably, Firefox opens near instantaneously, a grand improvement over the speeds of opening either Firefox or IE in XP. Additionally, the amount of software available online is quite surprising. Ubuntu even includes a program called Adept, which shows you a seemingly endless list of programs available for Linux systems.

As I said before, it's a very easy system for day-to-day use. I'm even thinking of getting an old desktop and installing Ubuntu on it for my mother to use in her kitchen, to access recipes and such, because she doesn't need much more than document reading and internet access, not stuff you exactly need the newest fastest Windows XP system for.

All in all, it's a good, fast, stable system, with a good GUI, but a steep learning curve. Installation is easy, and maintenance is a snap. A good system to learn, especially as many companies in industry are using Linux more and more (I've heard that Dell has started shipping some computers with Linux pre-installed). If you have the free disk space, time, and some place to back up to, I whole-heartedly recommend giving it a try.

(ed note: chopped up the paragraphs a bit for readability. -Oz)

Preview - Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars

I get e-mail from FileShack. Probably checked a box wrong on one of the signup forms, or something like that. Most days, I let the persistent mails they send slip into my spam folder without a second glance. However, a couple days ago, I decided to peek in the spam, just to see.

"Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars - Demo Available Now!"

I nearly shit myself. Immediately, I followed the contained link, and looked up three more places to try and download it. After finding the fastest one, I counted down the bits and bytes as the 1.17GB file (yes, the installer is that big), was downloaded.

I've been a follower of the Command & Conquer series, since not long after the original was released in 1995. While I've always favored Blizzard strategy games, Westwood games always held a special place in my heart--though their interfaces were far less clean, they had a unique, gritty feel, and with the storylines and cheese-fabulous live-action cinematics, the C&C series secured its place in gaming history, and its own extensive following. This following, of course, was shaken by the Generals duology, but persisted despite. While the dissolution of Westwood and their assimilation into Electronic Arts seemed a death warrant to C&C as we knew it, many fans held out hope.

I, too, am one of these fans, and as the demo finished downloading, I waited with bated breath as the game completed installation. After a promotional cinematic, I was presented with the main menu.

Partial excitement!

The demo came with two GDI missions--the cinematics are peppered with such starlets as Tricia Helfer and Grace Park (of Battlestar Galactica fame), and Michael Ironside (from Starship Troopers and SeaQuest DSV). It also includes a single skirmish map, restricted to human play as GDI and AI play as Nod. Already, a good feeling ran over me just seeing the interface. While the skirmish setup screen resembles the old Westwood style almost precisely, the loading screen feels as though it's incorporated some of the better aspects of Blizzard's design.

This looks familiar.

This is a different sort of familiar.

Though the installer was bloated, as demos go, the game's loads times are very prompt, on my modest mid-range computer, and within a few seconds, I was face to face with what, for all intents and purposes, is a new Westwood game.

Ah, good old Westwood.

That's not to say that nothing is new in C&C3. A pure rehash would have involved game engines that were antiquated upon their release seven years ago. No, C&C3 is not just a brand-new Westwood-style game: it's pretty. And I mean really pretty. Light bloom, bump-mapping, self-cast shadows pretty. Light-distortion-from-engine-exhaust pretty. This game gives DX9 cards a serious workout, and provides droves of eye candy in such a way that it supplements, not distracts, from the gameplay.

I don't say this lightly. It's pretty.

Sure, it may sound like I'm gushing. But that's because I'm gushing. Seriously. Aside a couple little quirks here and there, I have no complaints to speak of regarding Command & Conquer 3. So, in lieu of trying to dissect the game, I'm going to give you a bit of an overview of some of the new features, and some of the old goodness that they've brought back.

Firstly, the Tiberium storyline. The one that started it all. The green stuff is back in all sorts of abundance, and, better yet, it doesn't look like a bunch of green lines on the ground! No, the new Tiberium looks something like a cross between both required resources in StarCraft, and still harvests and damages infantry like it has since the get-go.

You require more vespene minerals!

Back too are the traditional differences between GDI and Nod. There's a third race, the Skrin or somesuch, but their only appearance in the demo is a few cryptic gameplay scenes in the intro cinematic, and nothing else. GDI retains their heavier infantry style, including grenadiers and snipers, while NOD gets flamethrower infantry and stealthy, highly mobile units. Garrisoning has returned, too, though anti-infantry units (and their "clear garrison" abilities) prevent the tactic from being too 'lol this is our clubhouse' absurd, as it felt in Red Alert 2.

My football players lay down railgun fire on some lame flamethrower goths.

The faction's signature weapons are back, as well, and look downright incredible, especially since the last time we saw them was in glorious sprite-based form, back in 1999. The capitalist pig-dog alliance that is the Global Defense Initiative has their Ion Cannon, which now looks cooler than ever for all you big-ass laser fans in the audience.

Imma chargin mah lazor!

Shoop da woop!

Nod, on the other hand, is once again tossing nukes around with impunity, and while the destructive capabilities of both weapons are comparable, their feel and effects contribute greatly to an already marked effort by EA to make each faction play differently, but without compromising balance.

Now spell "nukular".

For all this re-creation of the former glory that was C&C, a lot of improvements have been implemented as well. This time, a handful of queues have been taken from Blizzard, without redesigning the entire game's feel.

Command & Conquer 3's interface is much, much cleaner by comparison to other C&C games, but retains the classic side-bar feel. Building placement allows for structure rotation, which aids in building a functional base without accidentally clogging things up. Superweapon and special weapon countdowns are handled on the left side of the screen, and many special abilities cost money. This is particularly helpful with regard to airborne APCs - instead of having to build them and write all of them off on a given mission, you can pay $300 per unit you want to fly, one-way.

That's no moon...

There's research to be had in Command & Conquer 3. While most of it is handled through standard building-tech, there's a few actual paid research paths to take (such as adding railguns to GDI tanks). This pays homage to Blizzard's upgrade system, without copying it wholesale as they attempted in Generals.

Specific units also have activated special abilities. Generals had them en masse, in the style of a Blizzard game, but in the past, C&C games have only featured the generic "expand" and "pack up" commands for most specialized unit abilities. These abilities don't compromise the feeling of the game, and provide some interesting unit synergies, particularly with Nod's units.

Three bad dudes take it to the bridge. Er, streets.

Nod's Beam vehicle, for instance, can use it's laser to power up the attack and refire rate of their specialized base defense, the Obelisk (yeah, it's back), and reflect said laser against the Nod basic flying unit to gain added range and flexibility. The Avatar Warmech, Nod's ultimate vehicle, has a particularly amusing synergy with other Nod vehicles; it can pry the main component out of any other offensive vehicle, destroying the target in the process. Stealth tanks net the Warmech a personal stealth generator, Flame tanks provide an anti-infantry flamethrower, and Beam tanks offer a second laser cannon.

Nice flamethrower. I think I'll keep it.

I noticed one major AI quirk while I was taking the screenshots for this article; when I performed a traditional engineer rush to steal the enemy's MCV (so I could check out the NOD tech and units), the AI compensated by constructing about five new MCVs, which were alternately set up and milled about through their base. I did decide to take screenshots on easy for a reason, however: medium difficulty handily kicked my ass. Plus, if I had played medium, I wouldn't have been able to finish the round with this:

Yes, using the Ion Cannon and a nuke on the same target at once is kind of overkill.

In short, Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars promises to breathe new life and old sensibility into a franchise that many had feared dead. If you were a fan of the old C&C games (or Dune games, for that matter), then this game is a must-buy. If you're a Blizzard (or heaven forbid, an Ensemble/Microsoft) RTS gamer who wants to see how we live on the other side, then you might consider the Command & Conquer: The First Decade pack; at $30, it's a hell of a lot of game (as it includes five C&C titles, and accompanying expansion packs), and it gets you familiar with the setting. If you feel like diving right in, though, Tiberium Wars probably won't dissappoint; it's got everything that made the original C&Cs great, in delicious new shiny packaging.

Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars comes out March 26th.

Gregor, I'm going to stab you with a spork

Today, to celebrate the -30 weather and thus the coming of spring, I wore a skirt. Ok, so I was blackmailed and bribed. Believe what you will.

This was not just any skirt. This was a pink plaid, short and sexy article paired with a button down shirt and knee socks. Now, for those who know me, you can appreciate how much trouble I have with clothing anyway, so the wearing of stuff where I have to not sit down with my legs spread is usually an adventure.

I was doing so well today.

And then Gregor planted his face in my belly and blew. Like any sane girl, I flew backwards, except he was hugging my legs, so instead of creating distance, I hit the floor. Gracefully. In a short skirt. In front of Gregor.

In short, I flashed a large group of people, and then did it again when I stood up.

Not as bad as this weekend's work escapades (I forgot to put on a shirt and showed up in a bra), but still mildly embarrassing.

So, dammitall Gregor, I'm going to stab you. With a spork.

A Japanese rock band in America?! Hell yeah!

It was one of my high school dreams: see an ultra-popular Japanese band in concert. With Dir en Grey going on tour in American and my decision to go to an out of Alaska college finally gave way to a glorious opportunity. DeG had decided to add three shows to the end of it's tour, two in LA and one at the Fillmore in downtown San Francisco. Being in the Bay Area, I coughed up the forty bucks left over from my students loans and gleefully headed to the concert.

If you've never heard of DeG, you'll most likely be taken back at first. They're a Japanese rock band that has dabbled in rock-pop to screaming death metal. At first they were classified under “visual kei,” which meant they had a visual emphasis- complete with unworldly hair colors and styles, elaborate make up and costumes, and even a cross dresser who's sex appeal lured even the straightest of men.

Their American style, on the other hand, is much different then how they reached stardom in Japan. They've toned down their visual kei influences and relied more on the alternative rock look. Along with their appearance, the band members worked equally on the new music, as opposed to having each member compose songs individually. The songs ended sounding like screaming metal most of the time, and some of their Japanese favorites, like the piano and ballad driven Ain't Afraid to Die, were lost in the flight over seas.

Any who, the concert still made me jump in joy as I stood in line behind three Stanford students. Not surprisingly, the three of them and the three of us St. Mary's students seemed to be the only normal people around. The crowed was wearing black clothes, black make up, black what-ever-we-could-find. If that's the force that got DeG to come to San Francisco, I'm not going to bash it.

The show opened with the bands Bleed the Dream (a nice little screamo band) and Fair to Midland (a wonderfully done acid rock inspired group). Of course, the crowed participation was floundering until the moments before DeG appeared. Why didn't they care more about the two opening acts? Because everyone was there to see a Japanese rock band, silly!

The show started with the lead singer Kyo cutting himself across his bare chest and letting the blood drip down. Later, he would cut his solar plexus and taste the blood. While we're at it, he adorns a bucket labeled “RAPE ME” after dumping water over himself, and enjoys hitting his head against the microphone and repeating “FUCK” for percussion.

Here's the truth: besides the magically macabre and disturbing video imagery projected behind the band, Kyo's dramatics were the only thing really visually stimulating about the show. If Kyo were to stand still and sing, the entire band would just be playing, not entertaining. But, Kyo's jumping and rocking about provided enough entertainment (if you weren't freaked out) to sustain through the show.

As for the presentation of the songs, I found myself not that intrigued. They're new songs aren't as diverse as some earlier albums. By the end I could only distinguish songs by the intro and whether or not I wanted to bounce up and down at the chorus. Every song involved Kyo's voice screeching, particularly at the end. Never did I hear a song that didn't spring into hard core riffs and beats.

Honestly, Fair to Midland had captivated me more than DeG (even through the antics of last show hooligans). I found myself craving a Fair to Midland CD, not DeG's Marrow of the Bone. I guess it was just the truth of the situation- Dir en Grey had changed itself to fit American audiences and the music had lost some of it's original qualities.

Maybe this is the way their music was supposed to sound form the beginning, or this is the way they wanted it. I can't fight with that. What I can say is how most of the songs blended together. I lacked the ability to say, “I distinctly remember this one song...” at the end of the concert.

The show was worth the $40, though. Downright, and I'd pay it again. DeG will always have a special place in my heart, even if I associated them with Yokan, Embryo, and Garden first. Agitated Scream of Maggots, Dead Tree and THE FINAL just won't stick with me, and I can't say I'm sorry.

The verdict is: go see the show. If you're in anyway a fan of metal, hard core, or any other form of rock, it's worth it. If the fact they sing in Japanese bothers you, set it aside cause you wouldn't understand it even if it were in English. Buy a ticket, support the arts moving across international borders, and enjoy the freakish performances. I doubt you'd find any Western band who can do what Dir en Grey does with such finesse, even if their songs sound the same.

PS- If you ever get a hold of the concert video, look for me in the middle of the crowd, towards stage left.