"Funnies" have gotten serious, and unlike some...

I like it.
I know that many people who might read this are pretty fully enmeshed in the digital lifestyle. I myself am, but still appreciate the stories from the "funnies," those little black and white comics in the newspapers (COLOR on Sundays!), and thus still read them online. However, if you haven't been following them, you might have missed the recent story arc of Funky Winkerbean, which came to its climax today. In it, Lisa Moore, wife of main character Les Moore, finally succumbed to her breast cancer.
Many have said that such seriousness does not belong in the 'comics,' in our 'family newspapers,'. However, I believe that they should, as it can teach us that life doesn't always turn out right in the end. Bad things happen to good people. And what it can teach us as well is that you pick yourself up, and keep on living your life, no matter what happens.
I don't know if this really belongs here, but I thought it belonged somewhere, and this is where I put it.
** If you haven't been following them, you can access the last month's worth of Funky Winkerbean at seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/funky.asp

Movie of the Year?

I have to confess something: I can't wait for May 2nd.

That's right. "Iron Man" is released that day. The movie. (trailer link http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/large_trailer.html)

It looks awesome. From what I can tell, they're going to accurately depict the creation of Iron Man (or at least as close as you can come with a movie), his mission, morals, and above all, the man behind it. We all know Tony Stark is a megalomaniac who lives for money, power and, oddly enough, his fucking amazing alter-ego/creation/thing, Iron Man.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I haven't been this excited by a movie trailer since "300." Hell, I'm more excited by this trailer. It's fucking Iron Man, baby. Every comic nerd in the world is going to be waiting with baited breathe to see if it lives up to it's potential. And then we're going to be sitting around waiting anxiously for a second installment, maybe the creation of the Avengers... oh god, the pure, glorious potential of this movie. It's so great I keep having to remove exclamation marks because they make writing look stupid. Dammit.

I approve of the choice for Tony Stark. From what I can tell, the graphics are good. I mean, the shots of the original Iron Man suit are straight from the comics. STRAIGHT FROM THE COMICS! How often does that actually happen in comic book movies that Frank Miller isn't working on? Oh, right, never. I can't contain my excitement.

It's really looking like this upcoming year will be a good one for comic fans. "Dark Knight," starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger as Joker, and done in the style of the comic, complete with the morbid, spooky, not-for-wussy-bitches plot-lines is just around the corner. "Iron Man" is going to rock my socks off. The second "Sin City" is due sometime next year.

It's good to be a geek.

Amy out.

Who is The Sentry?

Recently I came into the possession of a massive box of assorted comics, ranging from the complete House of M, to Toxin (orgasm!) to New Avengers and a large number of X-men. I am oh-so-satisfied with life right now. Imagine my increased delight when I discovered in my precious box 'o fun a dozen or so issues of "The Sentry." GLEE!

And then I realized no one knows who the Sentry is. Could it be that one of the old-school heroes has slipped into oblivion? The man who slipped into insanity after saving the world and pushing his power to the utmost limits, resurrected in the New Avengers series, and was remembered by none. How fitting that the man with the power of a thousand suns and forgotten by the Marvel Universe should also be forgotten in ours.

I confess, Robert Reynolds is one of my favorite superheros of all time. The mental strife he endures, the pain of the knowledge that he accidentally murdered his wife, the voluntary confinement, the return to power after the mass prison-breakout that occurred in the first issue of New Avengers, his honor, nobility, and most of all, the apparently limitlessness of his powers. The Sentry kicks ass, my friends. I love him.

So that was my random comic push/rant for the month. Have fun, and I hope somebody picks up an issue of "The Sentry" (very old school, think the early '80's) and becomes and engrossed in his adventures as I have been since I first read one of his comics.

Amy out

Eternals!!!

Unfortunately, superhero icons saturate our society. I can read the better comics and say, "that's a good line of dialogue," or "interesting plot twist," but that's about it and so I generally prefer the more complex graphic novels.

The problem is that I'll come across this lovely dilemma of a small group of mutants that has to keep the peace between their more violent associates and the fearful humans and, yeah, that's the X-men. So? I'll read about Spidey's crazy villains and, you know, that's Doc Ock. That's how he operates. I'm used to these things.

But The Eternals had a 20-odd issue run 40 years ago. Without any modern reissues, restarts or continuations. I've never seen an Eternals film or played an Eternals game or worn an Eternals Halloween costume. Most people our age know practically nothing about them. And finally I understand what it means to come into contact, for the first time, with ideas so far beyond what I experience in real life that it takes my breath away. I understand why, when people who got into comics as kids describe them, they always talk about that sense of wonder.

I know several people who are in love with the classic superhero comics. And if you can find X-men amazing despite the fact that you already know what everyone's powers are, The Eternals aren't really any better. But for those of you who feel a little cold after reading about Genosha because, hey, it's not like we were surprised- read Gaiman's 7-issue starting point, and hope Marvel gives it to an author worthy of the material.

Games for Wii and other things

I've been renting games recently. It's not something I've regularly done for quite some time. I usually knew which games I wanted and bought them outright. But new games are expensive, especially when I can nearly clear a game in a three-day rental. Also, we still don't have internet (or phone) at the cabin, a subject I'll get into in later.

So! Wii!

Zelda: Twilight Princess! I had my reservations about the Wiimote, but it turns out it doesn't feel totally tacked on most of the time! The wolf sections are a lot of fun and actually felt new and exciting, but everything else is standard Zelda fare. Beautiful game to look at, but for the most part, you've played this game before.

Elebits was awesome for the first 17 levels or so. After that, it gets boring fast. Each level builds and expands in scope in a very similar way to Katamari Damacy, but unlike the latter, Elebits doesn't really know when to call it a day.

Wiimote functionality was decently thought out, though some actions are a little tough to master, notably opening doors. Overall, solid, easy to grasp controls, should be familiar to anyone whose played a PC FPS before. The training levels are mostly unnecessary. Mostly. Multiplayer is a little strange, as only one player at a time controls the camera on a shared screen.

I liked Elebits, but I don't intend to buy it.

Excite Truck! Fun, intuitive controls, decent variety of vehicles, limited variety in tracks. Instead of winning races, the game is focused on earning points during a race, which come from getting crazy air on a jump, doing tricks, smashing other trucks, dodging trees, etc., giving the game a stunt focus. Mostly, it's one point here, 5 points there, then a bonus 50 for getting first or whatever. It gets pretty challenging on the unlockable higher difficulty, sometimes frustratingly so.

My only real gripe is the low number of tracks. Partly, this is because there are five or six map sets from which the tracks are built. Tracks from the same map set are fairly different, but sometimes it doesn't really feel like it. Even accounting for this, there still aren't really that many tracks. Tons of unlockable trucks, but I really only used three or four of them.

Which reminds me! The trucks do handle quite a bit differently, and certain tracks are definitely more suited to certain trucks. I kind of liked this.

Definitely worth buying, but I probably won't because I'm poor.

Cooking Mama! Tons of fun, but a steep learning curve (due mostly to really crappy explanations of what you're expected to do) keeps it from being the awesome party game it could've been. Once you've got the hang of most of the techniques, the game is full of face-paced fun, but expect to be frustrated and feel cheated on occasion. A couple of the mini-games feel really rough and unfinished which, coupled with decidedly finicky and unforgiving controls, really kills the fun on occasion.

Overall, good game, worth a rental, but the controls really hold it back. I can see this working extremely well on the DS, however!

PS2 game!

Just started playing Okami yesterday, which is like Zelda, but less frustrating and with decent pacing. Okami's wolf is totally more fun than Zelda:TP. I did get ridiculously stuck with a plot trigger that I couldn't figure out, making my lack of home interbutts all the more painful, but I have them now. My main issue with Zelda has always been the silly, frustrating, little things you have to do before you can go out and kick some ass, but Okami seems so far to try and streamline that a bit.

PSOne game!

Replaying Xenogears again. Man, that's some corny dialogue! Why do I love it so?

PC game!

Dungeon Crawl, aka Crawl! I've never enjoyed dying so often so much. Think nethack, but less intimidating, at least with the totally awesome graphic tile mod. I started off playing as a Minotaur Fighter, then Minotaur Chaos Knight in the service of Xom, one of the games many gods. Xom is hilarious. She's completely chaotic, so that sometimes she'll give you a giant hammer of destruction and sometimes she'll throw you into the abyss because it amuses her to see you suffer. I'm currently playing as a Troll Berserker. They're slow and dumb, but they can hit things really, really hard and eat anything. Also, regeneration rocks.

The game has a lot of "oh shit" moments. Here's two of my favorites:

It's official.

Watch this space.

Spiderman 3

I just wasted $9.75 and two and a half hours of my life. I want my soul back. But at least I can do my best to use my experience to prevent my fellow geeks from this deep, painful hole that was burned into me during the movie.

It sucked. Worse than I ever expected, and I knew they were going to fuck up Venom. I knew they were going to fuck up the Symbiont. I knew they'd fuck up Sandman and Spidey's relationship with MJ. I just didn't know they'd turn Spiderman into a pitiful attempt at a tear-jerker.

Take the soundtrack from "The Notebook." Now add painfully awkward dialog, unoriginal camera work and potentially bad ass action scenes set to emotional music and a strong sense of deja vu, and you have "Spiderman 3."

Five minutes into the film, I commented to my friend that the music wasn't fitting for Spiderman. At the end of the movie, I thought about crying because of how badly it was botched. I will say this: they got how the Symbiont arrived on earth right, and they got how the Sandman came to be right. But that's about where the "right" ends and the "massive fail" begins. Too much time was spent focusing on ensuring the villains were sympathetic and righteous in some manner. The rest of the time was spent focusing on how insensitive Spidey is to MJ's emotional duress and needs, and how important his friendship with Harry is. Touching stuff, s'rly. The lacking aspect? Let me think about that for just a second... oh yeah. The action, the epic fights and all that shit that makes it SPIDERMAN!

Now I'll admit, I went to the movie with the hopes of some exhilarating fight scenes, maybe some geeky love talk that makes Spidey Spidey, and the resignation that Venom was going to be botched beyond recognition. Granted, the comic lover in me craved an accurate depiction of, at the very least, who Venom was and how he became, but I wasn't really expecting to see it. Lucky me. I didn't see it. Because they fucked it up so badly that the character that should have been the most awesome sorta-villain of all time was... um... kinda lame.

I'll be honest. I wish I hadn't gone to this movie. I was overwhelmingly disappointed, even though I knew it wouldn't be up to par with the previous Spiderman films. Even as a stand-alone movie, which, we all know by now, you must take comic book movies as, it sucked. Sorry guys, but there just wasn't enough in the 2.5 hours to redeem the few completely amazing scenes in the context of the entire movie.

The Future of Labels

Tell me, fellow Housegeekers, what comes to mind at the utterance of the phrase "casual gamer"? Perhaps the bored office worker, playing flash nonsense while avoiding whatever souless work she had arbitraily been assigned? Or the 17-year-old on the bus, matching colored jewels on their cell-phone?

When I met Pink, the only game had ever seriously played were the first two Age of Empires. Though fine and noble games in their own right, to be sure, much that is great and worthy had passed her by. Controllers felt alien in her hands. She knew nothing of the platformer, shooter, RPG, puzzler, racer. Consoles had long been banned in her family's home.

When we began dating we shared many interests, but my passion for gaming was not one of them. But, being the wonderful woman she is, she took an interest for my benefit. Now, one year and eight months later, I've convinced her to play such great games as LAN-favorite Warcraft III, Super Smash Bros., Soul Caliburs II and III, Katamari Damacy, Dragon Quest VIII, and a few others. Many of those she still only plays at my urging, but a few she genuinely enjoyed, notably DQVIII.

Pink describes herself as a casual gamer. She's not interested in high scores, perfect playthroughs, or collecting all 1,537 stars. She doesn't care about ambulance-chasing anti-game attorneys, performance stats on the latest hardware, and certainly not your level 63 zombie sorceress or whatever. She does like to have fun.

Even she is excited about owning a Wii. We plan to buy one (assuming we can find one) after we've moved to our new home. The little bit of Wii Sports we played with Squikin and Swift_Death had her hooked. It brought the Nintendo fanboy back in me.

I see so much potential for this little console, but it's in her excitement I see a chance to live up to its codename. The Wii is fun. It has an instant appeal to all spectrum of people. By drawing in a vast new audience, Nintendo has the potential to legitamize our chosen pastime on a massive scale. This is the machine that will win over the hearts and minds of the casual gamer.

I have hopes, foolish hopes, that "gamer" will become an obsolete term. We who play call those who are foreign to our entertainments non-gamers, but I envision a future where that phrase would have the same significance as non-movie-goer; awkward, unweildy, and lacking any real meaning. I think this little machine can bring us one step closer to that.

So to all gamers, no matter what you might call yourselves, spread the love, spread the joy, spread the Wii.

Do you hear that, mister Gates?

Whenever I'm asked if something has been hacked, or broke, or generally gotten-into, I always correct the inquirer.

"It's not a question of 'if', it's a question of 'when'."

Never has this been more true than this morning. Gradually waking up, and paging through the feeds at Digg, I come across this article. You may read the content if you see fit, but if not, I'll sum it up quickly for you.

A 19-year old reverse engineer (my 19th year was never so cool) is working on, basically, pulling DX10 components out of Vista and making them work with XP, bit by bit. The design calls for an external launcher application, and it's extremely early in development, but I digress.

Years ago, when Windows XP first came to the House, we all poked and prodded at it, and generally scrutinized it. That was nearly six years ago now, and since then, the operating system has matured, stabilized, and become the operating system of choice for the House (at least, so far as LAN-ready OSes is concerned). However, we were told that Vista would be the only operating system to support DirectX 10, in effect, a forced upgrade that has forced most of us to write off DirectX 10 games entirely. This project promises some relief from that, some salvation from the railed upgrade track that Microsoft is attempting to firmly guide us to.

Regardless of the success of this project, however, and the sudden press that threatens to draw the attention of that grand behemoth known as Microsoft, one thing has been proven. The sound, mister Gates, is that of inevitability. Independent of propriety, of closed source, of forced upgrade tracks, it is never a matter of 'if' the item in question will be broken, hacked, and generally worked around.

It is a matter of 'when'.

Alert!

Apparently, despite our resident comic fanatics' best efforts, we've been bamboozled.

Comics are not wholesome and good, nor are they anything that kids should be exposed to on a regular basis.

Comics are corrupting today's youth.

You heard me right. Congress and Jack Thompson must be informed!

That is all.

Why, Marvel? Why?

I am a nerd. I admit it, I love it, embrace it, etc, blah blah blah. My weapons of choice are PC games and comics. But goddammit, Marvel, why must you fuck up Ultimate X-men?


Here's the problem: they switched artists. The old artist (Greg Land) drew detailed, realistic characters in the much more modern trend toward realism (and in my opinion, better art). As of issue 79, there's a new artist, and it feels like I'm stuck in the '80s with stylized comics that really aren't as entrancing as I want them to be. The better the art, the less writing needs to be done, and that's how I judge a comic- how much reading I have to do. I can't even begin to express how disappointed I am with the new artist for the Ultimate X-men.

So after reading issues 79 and 80, I picked up "Phoenix: Endsong" to sooth my saddened soul. Just for the record, "Endsong" is quite possibly the best character-focused comic book in the world. Yes, I know I rave about "Wolverine: Origins," but "Endsong" is just stunning, both graphically and plot-wise. So many story-lines twist together into a graphically beautiful and thrilling comic. But it did remind me how much I'm going to miss Greg Land's artistic abilities.

Luckily, my feelings of depression were smothered some-what by the reminder of how awesome my 18th birthday is going to be. For those who don't know, I'm getting myself a tattoo. What tat, you ask? The Phoenix logo. The cool one. On Jean Grey's outfits. Yeah. That one. Ain't it sexy? It's going on my left shoulder blade and holy crap I can't wait.

That is all.

Amy out.

Waste not, want a lot.

Humanity is stupid. But the good news is, a lot of the time this can benefit me. Take for instance right now. I just got back from Value Village (which has really gone downhill in recent years) with a true treasure. Namely, the hardcover compendium of the revolutionary DC Comics arc Identity Crisis. A fantastic book in its own right, but ALL sorts of better. Why? Well, namely, because IT'S SIGNED. By Brad Meltzer.

Guhfuhbwahduh.

This is sort of awesome right now. Hooray, serendipity.

-G

dammit Logitech

Headphones are nice. As a matter of fact, a good headset is absofuckinglutly beautiful. So why is it that when I replace my current one with a set of the same model only not held together with duct tape, my computer won't play sound through em? I'm definitely blaming the USB aspect of these things. Seriously, why make usb headsets when we all know they're going to screw with the minds of our computers?

But dammit, despite my current loathing for Logitech headsets, I love the brand. They've got some of the best customer service I've yet to find (next to Samsung who still has brownie points for replacing my monitor for zero hassle or charge when I had two dead pixels) and, as a rule of thumb, superior products.

Except my headset. The mic works in all the programs I run that use one, but still no sound. I'm not missing any drivers, volume control is correct, all my trouble-shooting is leaving me increasingly bitter and a ton of cookie crumbs just fell down my shirt. Oh, wait, that last one is okay. Anyways, if I don't get these things talking to Gopher properly soon, I'm gonna be out $40. Drat.

Amy out.

A day late, but who's counting?

Ladies and gents of the House, it's my pleasure to announce to you the new favored operating system of choice.

It's not Vista. No, not XP. It's not OSX. Good try, but it's not even Ubuntu Linux.

My friends, the operating system I'm going to be pushing from now on is OS/2 Warp.

Let's face it. Every other next-gen operating system, each and every one of them, is a huge disappointment. Vista is a pretty face over an evil humanity-hating Cylon. XP is exceedingly dated. The very existence of OSX causes a rift in the House by merely discussing it, and Ubuntu, like most Linux distros, isn't quite ready for prime time.

OS/2, however, has years of proven reliability, a truly secure and stable operating system from top to bottom. Hackers don't come anywhere near it (and don't even try to say it's because nobody uses it), and viruses/spyware for OS/2 are effectively nonexistent.


Awwwww yeah.

Really, by continuing to use XP, we're clinging to the past, and if we're going to cling to the past, let's not be half-way about it. OS/2 is the shot in the arm we've needed since forever. The desktop effects even exceed those of the latest Apple and Microsoft releases.




Look at the shading!

In short, I recommend everyone take the plunge to OS/2 as soon as possible, be it upon your next reformat, or your next new system. For the hesitant, there's a release of VirtualPC for OS/2, which will help you migrate over your favorite Windows applications.


So what are you waiting for, you pussy?

Astonishing X-men are truly astonishing... in the pants

A few months back, by the recommendations of one of the Comic Shop guys, I picked up the first two trades of "Astonishing X-men," one of the multitude of spin-offs that twist and turn the X-men universe into directions previously only the wet dreams of comic geeks everywhere.

This is one of those comics.

Firstly, let me say that it's refreshing to read an X-men series that doesn't feature Wolverine or Jean Grey. I love both characters, but they're old, cliche, and, honestly, overdone. Instead, Astonishing X-men features a post-Jean Grey/Phoenix school run by Emma Frost after the "disappearance" of Professor X. And she's banging Cyclops.

Let the record reflect, I hate Emma Frost. Her powers are over-done and pitiful, she dresses like a whore, and she's just not good-guy material.

Luckily for me, she isn't a good guy.

For all those X-men readers who want to see what happens when Cyclops stops being a pussy, Wolverine spends an entire issue talking like an English school girl, Kitty Pryde goes hardcore and kicks massive amounts of ass, and Emma Frost is the ultimate villain, go spend a few bucks and pick these up. I won't go into terrible detail reviewing these, because I hate spoiling some of the best comics I've read in a long time for other people.

But holy god "Astonishing X-men" kicks butt.

Amy out.

++++
Begin Transmission
++++
From: Tech-Adept Overseer Mons Farrar, Department of Machine Purity, Mars
To: All Domus personnel, Holy Terra

Date Sent: 1683007.M41
Date Received:0692007.M41
++++

While you may not toil under the banner of the Machine Cult, you all serve the Omnisiah whether you know it or not. You all understand that the most holy of holies is Knowledge itself and as such, strive to find more. With this Knowledge you expand the number of devices you can cajole into your service. This is a noble goal and one that would start many of you on the path of the Machine God. There is one issue, however, that you may not fully comprehend.

While you may hold many a machine under your sway and while you may have the Knowledge to operate and manipulate these Machines, do you give them the proper respects? If a machine under you fails in some way, do not blame it. Such failure most likely occurred because of a lack of tribute to the Machine Spirit on your part. This is a grievous error, one that would end many aspiring Tech-Priests before they knew they had failed.

There may still be time, however, to repent and restore the Spirits once neglected. The best place to start would be the manufacture of such a Machine, mainly it’s assembly. Under most circumstances, this would be by and in the presence of, at the very least, an Adept. But, given the… peculiarities of the House members, I believe the Omnisiah may grant you his blessings in such an endeavor.

When assembling a Machine that is to enter your service, ensure that the Machine Spirit will be able to properly enter the shell. This means having the proper blessed oils and tools, as well as an appropriate blessing for the type of Machine [1a]. Should the rites fail for whatever reason, the Machine Spirit will not be properly seated in its new habitation and the device will most likely never function reliably.

Should any of the required elements be in short supply or be unattainable or if proper creation rites were not issued, due amounts of praise [1b] to the Machine Spirit and the God Machine may suffice, though proper rites should be sought as soon as possible.

And remember, when performing standard maintenance an offering should be made and praises be put forth to soothe the Machine Spirit and minimize any irritation the intrusion may cause.

Perform these tasks and your Machines will not fail you. Perform these tasks and may you reach the blessed Knowledge of the Omnisiah. I trust you will not fail us.


[1a]
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to deliver us from danger.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to invest this metal carcass with your spirit.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to bring life unto the inanimate.
Oh great Machine God, we beseech thee to summon forth the holy en-Djinn.

[1b]
Mechanism, I restore thy spirit. Let the God-Machine breathe half-life unto thy veins and render thee functional.


++++
Only through permanence can we truly triumph, only through the Machine can we find victory.

End Transmission
++++

Dear god, no. Don't punish him for what I said...

The Comic Gods have decreed that my diatribe aainst Ghost Rider could not go unpunished. So they decided to hit me where it would hurt the most.

They killed Cap.

The worst part is, they shot a fish in a barrel. If Cap had gone out fighting the Red Skull, I would have been okay. if Cap had been killed in Civil War, I would be sad and hurt, but not to this degree. But no. The kiled him when he was restrained, probably doped to the eyeballs, and without his shield. Fuckers.

The only way this could get worse is if Nick Fury pulled the trigger.

*off to mourn*

-Gregor

nVidia GeForce 8800 GTX- sexy as hell

When nVidia released the GeForce 8800 GTX, I almost wet myself with excitement. This graphics card has it all: fast, steller graphics, top of the line, and, to sweeten the deal, it probably won't become obsolete for a while. Label me impressed.

This 8800 is revolutionary for graphics cards everywhere. It has a new design and architecture, thus making it difficult to compare it to previous cards. But it's still got the basics: core clock speed of 575 MHz, 768 MB of DDR3 RAM that clocks to 900 MHz with a 1800 MHz data rate, 128 stream processors, and power. Oh so much power.

Unlike other graphics cards, the 8800 GTX doesn't assign any pipes to a particular task, which in turn allows rapid, efficient processing of whatever information you throw its way. In other words, it can focus all it's resources at a certain task instead of capping out at 48 pipes. I would put money on game designers taking advantage of the abilities of this card in future games, knowing that more proccessing power can be used.

Ok, now an overview of the power of this baby. The transistor count is 681 million on a 90 nm process chip. Reccomended power supply to fuel this monster? 450-watts with a high-end duel-core processor. In other words, while you can probably make this card work in your SLI-rig, it's gonna be hard. There are two power connectors on the back of the card, yada yada yada, instillation shit, ok, next.

nVidia reccomends pairing this sexy piece of gaming graphics capability with a moniter that can handle it. Apparently the 8800 gets a little bored if you can't play at high-resolutions and can have CPU bottlenecks. But that's not really a big deal, and if you have a top of the line moniter, the graphics are orgasmic and unprecidented. Yes, that sexy. I promise.

The main problem with the 8800 GTX is it's fucking huge and runs extremely hot. There's no way in hell you can put it in a shuttle, and unless you have the most massive case you can find, you probably won't get it into your tower, either. Power supply has also proved to be an issue, as there are a few cases where you simply cannot have that much power, as well as cooling systems. Do yourself a favor and don't spend the money for this card if you don't have a spectacular cooling system, as frying a paycheck is probably cheaper. High customer reviews (I only found one bad review, and the guy appeared to be a blubbering idiot (yes, I checked his background) so I discredited him) and new hardware coming out that will make coupling this baby with bigger, better motherboards and processors possible, thus increasing the sexy factor, make me say that this is the graphics card to get if you're planning on upgrading anytime soon.

I will say that I don't reccomend upgrading to the 8800 GTX if you are planning on replacing your computer anytime soon. Actually, I'd just build a new system around this baby (ok, so maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to get a new computer). Killer graphics, top of the line (ATI has nothing that can come close to this) and lots of potential... yeah, I'm sold.

UBUNTU! (6.06 Dapper Drake)

So.
Ubuntu.
An interesting system, that. It starts you off with a nice, light, and fast GUI. It comes with:
-Open Office,
-Firefox,
-Oogles of games,
-Many software options over the internet,
-And lots of instant hardware support.

However, it gets confusing fast. There is a steep learning curve with the Terminal (command line interface), through which anything important is run. Example - to install Java or MATLAB, you have to do it through this Terminal. As such, it does have a much steeper learning curve. However, once you've crawled up it a ways, and learned some basics, you can actually do pretty powerful things with it. Thus you can definitely tell that it is still a command line driven system, as compared to Window's primarily graphical interface. What is comforting is that it does copy most of Window's shortcut commands and idiosyncrasies, and it has enough of a GUI that novice users can use it and not see a noticeable difference.

Installation was fairly easy. The process that I went through is as follows. First I backed up everything from my laptop onto my desktop, so that in case it all didn't work out, I could restore from that. Next I restarted with the windows CD in, and used it to reformat the drive as such:
-20 GB NTFS partition - for installing Windows XP
-10 GB FAT32 partition - for storing photos and such so I can access them from both operating systems
-6 GB unformatted partition - for installing Ubuntu 6.0.6, otherwise known as Dapper Drake
-1 GB unformatted partition - for use as a Linux swap file
-250 MB unformatted partition - for my laptop's QuickPlay system (plays music and DVD's without starting up an OS)

Now, those of you that are partition savvy will realize that that's 5 partitions on an IDE drive, which normally isn't a happening thing. Thus, the 6 GB and 10 GB partitions I made as logical disks within an extended partition (I think that's the correct terminology). Anyway, I continued and installed Windows XP, went through it's Microsoft update saga, and then downloaded the Ubuntu 6.06 ISO from www.ubuntu.com, and then burned it to a CD.
I then left it in the CD drive, restarted the computer, and started from the CD. I selected the top option, (start from CD or something like that), and loaded Ubuntu from the CD, and then double clicked the install link on the desktop. After that I followed easy instructions, formatted the partitions that I had set aside for it, and installed Ubuntu. After a restart, I was first presented with the GRUB boot loader, which gives you the option of starting into Ubuntu Linux, or starting Windows XP. I selected Linux, and let the goodness begin.

As I said, the hardware support 'out of the box' was excellent. All of the hardware on my hp dv4000 has thus far been supported naturally, including my wireless card, my Ethernet card, and the scroll bar on the side of my touchpad, as well as my CD/DVD-RW drive. In fact, I'm writing this from the Engineering Center Lobby at the University of Colorado at Boulder, over my wireless connection. I must admit though, I have problems connecting to secured wireless networks, including the one where I'm living now, so it's not always hitchless.

Co-existence with Windows XP has thus far been peaceable. I'm able to read and write photos, office document files, and other things on the 10 GB shared partition from either system without a hitch. And the boot loader doesn't add any significant noticeable time to startup. One minor peeve about that though, is that it gives you 10 seconds to select a system to start, and automatically boots into Ubuntu, even though I sadly most often want to boot into XP.

So far, it's been much faster than XP, especially in startup, shutdown, and application starting. Most noticeably, Firefox opens near instantaneously, a grand improvement over the speeds of opening either Firefox or IE in XP. Additionally, the amount of software available online is quite surprising. Ubuntu even includes a program called Adept, which shows you a seemingly endless list of programs available for Linux systems.

As I said before, it's a very easy system for day-to-day use. I'm even thinking of getting an old desktop and installing Ubuntu on it for my mother to use in her kitchen, to access recipes and such, because she doesn't need much more than document reading and internet access, not stuff you exactly need the newest fastest Windows XP system for.

All in all, it's a good, fast, stable system, with a good GUI, but a steep learning curve. Installation is easy, and maintenance is a snap. A good system to learn, especially as many companies in industry are using Linux more and more (I've heard that Dell has started shipping some computers with Linux pre-installed). If you have the free disk space, time, and some place to back up to, I whole-heartedly recommend giving it a try.

(ed note: chopped up the paragraphs a bit for readability. -Oz)

Preview - Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars

I get e-mail from FileShack. Probably checked a box wrong on one of the signup forms, or something like that. Most days, I let the persistent mails they send slip into my spam folder without a second glance. However, a couple days ago, I decided to peek in the spam, just to see.

"Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars - Demo Available Now!"

I nearly shit myself. Immediately, I followed the contained link, and looked up three more places to try and download it. After finding the fastest one, I counted down the bits and bytes as the 1.17GB file (yes, the installer is that big), was downloaded.

I've been a follower of the Command & Conquer series, since not long after the original was released in 1995. While I've always favored Blizzard strategy games, Westwood games always held a special place in my heart--though their interfaces were far less clean, they had a unique, gritty feel, and with the storylines and cheese-fabulous live-action cinematics, the C&C series secured its place in gaming history, and its own extensive following. This following, of course, was shaken by the Generals duology, but persisted despite. While the dissolution of Westwood and their assimilation into Electronic Arts seemed a death warrant to C&C as we knew it, many fans held out hope.

I, too, am one of these fans, and as the demo finished downloading, I waited with bated breath as the game completed installation. After a promotional cinematic, I was presented with the main menu.

Partial excitement!

The demo came with two GDI missions--the cinematics are peppered with such starlets as Tricia Helfer and Grace Park (of Battlestar Galactica fame), and Michael Ironside (from Starship Troopers and SeaQuest DSV). It also includes a single skirmish map, restricted to human play as GDI and AI play as Nod. Already, a good feeling ran over me just seeing the interface. While the skirmish setup screen resembles the old Westwood style almost precisely, the loading screen feels as though it's incorporated some of the better aspects of Blizzard's design.

This looks familiar.

This is a different sort of familiar.

Though the installer was bloated, as demos go, the game's loads times are very prompt, on my modest mid-range computer, and within a few seconds, I was face to face with what, for all intents and purposes, is a new Westwood game.

Ah, good old Westwood.

That's not to say that nothing is new in C&C3. A pure rehash would have involved game engines that were antiquated upon their release seven years ago. No, C&C3 is not just a brand-new Westwood-style game: it's pretty. And I mean really pretty. Light bloom, bump-mapping, self-cast shadows pretty. Light-distortion-from-engine-exhaust pretty. This game gives DX9 cards a serious workout, and provides droves of eye candy in such a way that it supplements, not distracts, from the gameplay.

I don't say this lightly. It's pretty.

Sure, it may sound like I'm gushing. But that's because I'm gushing. Seriously. Aside a couple little quirks here and there, I have no complaints to speak of regarding Command & Conquer 3. So, in lieu of trying to dissect the game, I'm going to give you a bit of an overview of some of the new features, and some of the old goodness that they've brought back.

Firstly, the Tiberium storyline. The one that started it all. The green stuff is back in all sorts of abundance, and, better yet, it doesn't look like a bunch of green lines on the ground! No, the new Tiberium looks something like a cross between both required resources in StarCraft, and still harvests and damages infantry like it has since the get-go.

You require more vespene minerals!

Back too are the traditional differences between GDI and Nod. There's a third race, the Skrin or somesuch, but their only appearance in the demo is a few cryptic gameplay scenes in the intro cinematic, and nothing else. GDI retains their heavier infantry style, including grenadiers and snipers, while NOD gets flamethrower infantry and stealthy, highly mobile units. Garrisoning has returned, too, though anti-infantry units (and their "clear garrison" abilities) prevent the tactic from being too 'lol this is our clubhouse' absurd, as it felt in Red Alert 2.

My football players lay down railgun fire on some lame flamethrower goths.

The faction's signature weapons are back, as well, and look downright incredible, especially since the last time we saw them was in glorious sprite-based form, back in 1999. The capitalist pig-dog alliance that is the Global Defense Initiative has their Ion Cannon, which now looks cooler than ever for all you big-ass laser fans in the audience.

Imma chargin mah lazor!

Shoop da woop!

Nod, on the other hand, is once again tossing nukes around with impunity, and while the destructive capabilities of both weapons are comparable, their feel and effects contribute greatly to an already marked effort by EA to make each faction play differently, but without compromising balance.

Now spell "nukular".

For all this re-creation of the former glory that was C&C, a lot of improvements have been implemented as well. This time, a handful of queues have been taken from Blizzard, without redesigning the entire game's feel.

Command & Conquer 3's interface is much, much cleaner by comparison to other C&C games, but retains the classic side-bar feel. Building placement allows for structure rotation, which aids in building a functional base without accidentally clogging things up. Superweapon and special weapon countdowns are handled on the left side of the screen, and many special abilities cost money. This is particularly helpful with regard to airborne APCs - instead of having to build them and write all of them off on a given mission, you can pay $300 per unit you want to fly, one-way.

That's no moon...

There's research to be had in Command & Conquer 3. While most of it is handled through standard building-tech, there's a few actual paid research paths to take (such as adding railguns to GDI tanks). This pays homage to Blizzard's upgrade system, without copying it wholesale as they attempted in Generals.

Specific units also have activated special abilities. Generals had them en masse, in the style of a Blizzard game, but in the past, C&C games have only featured the generic "expand" and "pack up" commands for most specialized unit abilities. These abilities don't compromise the feeling of the game, and provide some interesting unit synergies, particularly with Nod's units.

Three bad dudes take it to the bridge. Er, streets.

Nod's Beam vehicle, for instance, can use it's laser to power up the attack and refire rate of their specialized base defense, the Obelisk (yeah, it's back), and reflect said laser against the Nod basic flying unit to gain added range and flexibility. The Avatar Warmech, Nod's ultimate vehicle, has a particularly amusing synergy with other Nod vehicles; it can pry the main component out of any other offensive vehicle, destroying the target in the process. Stealth tanks net the Warmech a personal stealth generator, Flame tanks provide an anti-infantry flamethrower, and Beam tanks offer a second laser cannon.

Nice flamethrower. I think I'll keep it.

I noticed one major AI quirk while I was taking the screenshots for this article; when I performed a traditional engineer rush to steal the enemy's MCV (so I could check out the NOD tech and units), the AI compensated by constructing about five new MCVs, which were alternately set up and milled about through their base. I did decide to take screenshots on easy for a reason, however: medium difficulty handily kicked my ass. Plus, if I had played medium, I wouldn't have been able to finish the round with this:

Yes, using the Ion Cannon and a nuke on the same target at once is kind of overkill.

In short, Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars promises to breathe new life and old sensibility into a franchise that many had feared dead. If you were a fan of the old C&C games (or Dune games, for that matter), then this game is a must-buy. If you're a Blizzard (or heaven forbid, an Ensemble/Microsoft) RTS gamer who wants to see how we live on the other side, then you might consider the Command & Conquer: The First Decade pack; at $30, it's a hell of a lot of game (as it includes five C&C titles, and accompanying expansion packs), and it gets you familiar with the setting. If you feel like diving right in, though, Tiberium Wars probably won't dissappoint; it's got everything that made the original C&Cs great, in delicious new shiny packaging.

Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars comes out March 26th.

Gregor, I'm going to stab you with a spork

Today, to celebrate the -30 weather and thus the coming of spring, I wore a skirt. Ok, so I was blackmailed and bribed. Believe what you will.

This was not just any skirt. This was a pink plaid, short and sexy article paired with a button down shirt and knee socks. Now, for those who know me, you can appreciate how much trouble I have with clothing anyway, so the wearing of stuff where I have to not sit down with my legs spread is usually an adventure.

I was doing so well today.

And then Gregor planted his face in my belly and blew. Like any sane girl, I flew backwards, except he was hugging my legs, so instead of creating distance, I hit the floor. Gracefully. In a short skirt. In front of Gregor.

In short, I flashed a large group of people, and then did it again when I stood up.

Not as bad as this weekend's work escapades (I forgot to put on a shirt and showed up in a bra), but still mildly embarrassing.

So, dammitall Gregor, I'm going to stab you. With a spork.

A Japanese rock band in America?! Hell yeah!

It was one of my high school dreams: see an ultra-popular Japanese band in concert. With Dir en Grey going on tour in American and my decision to go to an out of Alaska college finally gave way to a glorious opportunity. DeG had decided to add three shows to the end of it's tour, two in LA and one at the Fillmore in downtown San Francisco. Being in the Bay Area, I coughed up the forty bucks left over from my students loans and gleefully headed to the concert.

If you've never heard of DeG, you'll most likely be taken back at first. They're a Japanese rock band that has dabbled in rock-pop to screaming death metal. At first they were classified under “visual kei,” which meant they had a visual emphasis- complete with unworldly hair colors and styles, elaborate make up and costumes, and even a cross dresser who's sex appeal lured even the straightest of men.

Their American style, on the other hand, is much different then how they reached stardom in Japan. They've toned down their visual kei influences and relied more on the alternative rock look. Along with their appearance, the band members worked equally on the new music, as opposed to having each member compose songs individually. The songs ended sounding like screaming metal most of the time, and some of their Japanese favorites, like the piano and ballad driven Ain't Afraid to Die, were lost in the flight over seas.

Any who, the concert still made me jump in joy as I stood in line behind three Stanford students. Not surprisingly, the three of them and the three of us St. Mary's students seemed to be the only normal people around. The crowed was wearing black clothes, black make up, black what-ever-we-could-find. If that's the force that got DeG to come to San Francisco, I'm not going to bash it.

The show opened with the bands Bleed the Dream (a nice little screamo band) and Fair to Midland (a wonderfully done acid rock inspired group). Of course, the crowed participation was floundering until the moments before DeG appeared. Why didn't they care more about the two opening acts? Because everyone was there to see a Japanese rock band, silly!

The show started with the lead singer Kyo cutting himself across his bare chest and letting the blood drip down. Later, he would cut his solar plexus and taste the blood. While we're at it, he adorns a bucket labeled “RAPE ME” after dumping water over himself, and enjoys hitting his head against the microphone and repeating “FUCK” for percussion.

Here's the truth: besides the magically macabre and disturbing video imagery projected behind the band, Kyo's dramatics were the only thing really visually stimulating about the show. If Kyo were to stand still and sing, the entire band would just be playing, not entertaining. But, Kyo's jumping and rocking about provided enough entertainment (if you weren't freaked out) to sustain through the show.

As for the presentation of the songs, I found myself not that intrigued. They're new songs aren't as diverse as some earlier albums. By the end I could only distinguish songs by the intro and whether or not I wanted to bounce up and down at the chorus. Every song involved Kyo's voice screeching, particularly at the end. Never did I hear a song that didn't spring into hard core riffs and beats.

Honestly, Fair to Midland had captivated me more than DeG (even through the antics of last show hooligans). I found myself craving a Fair to Midland CD, not DeG's Marrow of the Bone. I guess it was just the truth of the situation- Dir en Grey had changed itself to fit American audiences and the music had lost some of it's original qualities.

Maybe this is the way their music was supposed to sound form the beginning, or this is the way they wanted it. I can't fight with that. What I can say is how most of the songs blended together. I lacked the ability to say, “I distinctly remember this one song...” at the end of the concert.

The show was worth the $40, though. Downright, and I'd pay it again. DeG will always have a special place in my heart, even if I associated them with Yokan, Embryo, and Garden first. Agitated Scream of Maggots, Dead Tree and THE FINAL just won't stick with me, and I can't say I'm sorry.

The verdict is: go see the show. If you're in anyway a fan of metal, hard core, or any other form of rock, it's worth it. If the fact they sing in Japanese bothers you, set it aside cause you wouldn't understand it even if it were in English. Buy a ticket, support the arts moving across international borders, and enjoy the freakish performances. I doubt you'd find any Western band who can do what Dir en Grey does with such finesse, even if their songs sound the same.

PS- If you ever get a hold of the concert video, look for me in the middle of the crowd, towards stage left.

The Culmination.

From the beginning of the Marvel Comics Civil War event, I've not only followed it, I've been all OVER it. The fighting between Iron-Man's Pro-Registration forces and Captain America's Secret Avengers has kept me on edge and intrigued. In key moments I have felt all the right emotions- anger, excitement, sadness, joy- The books were fantastic, and I eagerly devoured 1-6 with such zeal that I imagined that I knew what it would be like to have been reading the initial adventures of the Fantastic Four or the Avengers in the mid-sixties.

I just read book 7, the last one in the series. And, I'm not going to spill any details, just because I know for a fact that everyone hasn't read the series yet. If you don't care to read comic books, the synopsis can be found here.

Words fail me. What's even worse is the fact that I knew that it was coming. Literally. I have so many thoughts flying through my head right now, I think they might explode.

I miss him already.

-Gregor

[intriguing stuff here]

I waitress. Now, this proves to be an amusing job, partially because it means I am one of the more sane employees and thus am constantly entertained, and partially because of the opportunities to people-watch and strike up conversations that often take a nerdy turn.

My job kicks ass. I get extra money if I can have an interesting, intelligent conversation with a customer about video games or movies. I couldn't ask for more.

Except tips.

Goddammit people, for the love of everything that is good in the world, tip your fucking waitress. We live off that money. If I take the time to add a personal touch to your meal and visit without being irritating or intrusive, drop an extra buck or two. Don't leave a glowing comment card and no cash- that does me no good. We get taxed for tips, regardless of if we actually receive them.

That was my rant for February. I'm done now, really. I just had a long shift and got stiffed by half the tables I worked, although no one complained, left a bad comment card or showed any sign of dissatisfaction. Fucking people... *grumbles*

Amy out.

Recently, being of inquisitive minds and a brave spirits, my good friend Oz K. Fodrotski and I decided to share lunch at a new restaurant that had just opened up in (and this might foreshadow what was to come) Anytown America: Carl's Jr.

The first thing I noticed was the fact that there were two separate drive-through lanes, which strikes me as ridiculous, but perhaps more a comment on culture than on the restaurant itself. Another aspect of the culture could be gleaned from Oz's observation regarding the type (big) and newness (very) of the vehicles parked at this establishment.

Regardless, we entered, and pondered a little while we ordered.

Now, to be fair, I don't eat fast food very often at all, not feeling a need to drive off campus when I already have food for the lazy prepared for me, along with all the soft-serve ice cream a man could ever need (go go Lol Tilly Commons Lol). My good friend Oz, on the other hand, "somewhat regularly" (according to his account) partakes of this fast-food, and so perhaps it should be his opinion you should seek as to these restaurants: "Man, this reeks of the states." The reaction of the (obviously not Alaskan) man to his left was priceless.

Noting the ice-cream-kiosk, I quickly moved on to looking at the meat, as I am wont to do. Finally deciding upon the Philly Cheese Steak Burger, I preceded to order at the one open register, and encountered a small confusion as to the fact that small, medium, and large combo prices weren't listed that I noticed, but single, double, and six-dollar-burger sizes (which are apparently different things) were. Call me a fast-food philistine. Deciding upon the medium size combo ($8.59), I was greeted with a massive cup of size perhaps 32 liquid ounces. Medium, it was not. Hilarity ensued upon reading a quote on side about the quality of the burgers at Carl's Jr. from "Phoood.com." No, not a typo, and yes, has that got to a reliable source, oh boy. So filling my cup with completely uncarbonated Fanta, to a table I went and sat until they brought my meal to me (a nice touch). The fries were actually a medium size in quantity, actually seemed like potato and were overall decent, but my interest was - as always - on the meat. Noting the dripping juices from the burger with approval, I dug in. And it tasted decent: I could taste real onions. It was also so rich, that I really could feel my chest get a little constricted. Thus, while fairly (though not especially) tasty, I just couldn't finish it all. This from a man who used to be able to demolish BK Quad Stackers with ease. Oz describes his burger as good, but mild for something that was tagged "Jalapeno."

Overall, the food tasted alright, but was probably death to your internal organs. Service was certainly decent, but prices were too high. Go there if you're from the military and need something familiar from the States, otherwise it's not worth it.

Ab B. Lancaster out.

Sex Sells shitty blow jobs

It's that time again. This week's porn of choice was the 1999 Vivid film, "Sex Sells." Unlike last week's choice, "Sex Sells" qualifies as a true porno: crappy storyline, crappier acting, and lots and lots of sex.

The premise for all this sex is a hot young girl trying to make it to the top of a company that produces and sells (drum roll please) porn. Please, hold your applause. It has a unique style of filming, with "interviews" done in a choppy, off-color strobe-light setting, and the stories told by the interviewees nice and crisp. It was refreshing for the first twenty minutes, then my head started hurting every time the screen tinted purple.

The porno aspect of "Sex Sells" was actually decent, except for two things. Firstly, there was one chick in all the sex scenes- fitting, I suppose, given the "plot," but her tits were so fake she couldn't titty fuck properly and they didn't move much. Although I will say that the lesbian three-some was awesome, especially considering the other two participants were both natural, curvy and oh-so gorgeous. The second "ugh" factor was the blow jobs. There were a lot of blow jobs in this movie, and they looked like they sucked, and I don't mean in a good way. Lots of head bobbing, smiling up at the guy, and spit. Not terribly hot. I ended up sitting there thinking "dude, that looks like shitty head." My friend actually said out loud that he could probably give better head then the actors. I will say that not only did the girls appear to fail at giving head, the guys looked like they had never put their faces near a pussy before and had no idea what a clit was, let alone how to do anything other then lick.

But at least the actual sex was good.

I really wish they had let me know if they ever let that chick out of the closet...

GRADE: C-
acting: D-
script: D
hot chicks: A
sex: B-
awesome factor: C

Amy out.

Valentine's Day Post!

Valentino was a martyr; the only thing we know about him was that he refused to deny Christ before Emperor Claudius. The Valentine's Day holiday was originally created, like many Christian holidays, to stamp out a pagan holiday near the same date (Jesus was probably born in March, for the record). It took on it's romantic connotations because of a fictional work by one Geoffrey Chaucer, of Canterbury Tales fame.

So what you are celebrating is a fictional holiday based on a tribute to someone's death pragmatically created to deal with a pre-Roman feast which existed, apparently, to replace a sacrifice made to appease sentient wolves.

My recommendation: you should treat your significant other with the same love and respect I would hope you use the rest of the year- but if you have to do something special today, protest the hunting of wolves.

Dear Anonymous- a tribute to the assholes of the internet

We have heard about the wonderful communities that are born on this vast creation that we call the Internet. Many of us rejoice in the chance to speak our minds and argue over petty things because we can. We have started flame-wars with rival forums, called people noobs (and worse), and laughed at the misery we inflict from a distance.

This is one of the joys of the Internet, and one of the pitfalls of the Community we choose to inhabit. Don't get me wrong, I was a /b/tard for a long time. I laugh at things that sicken most "normal" people, name call like a mofo, and pick fights that really don't have anything to do with anything.

You'd think I'd be all for logging IP addresses and requiring a login so I could retort and individually address all the people who hate me or are angered by what I write.

Wrong.

I choose to sign posts I make on forums because I don't care if someone decides to personally target me. That is my choice, and I could just as easily slip into the soft cover of anonymity that blankets the Internet. I don't take offense if someone corrects me, flames me, or attacks my person online. It's just the internet, what are they going to do, confront me in person? The ability to vent and accuse, even attack others online is a right that I for one respect. If the flamer is someone I know in real life, they should bring up their issues to my face, or suck it up and be a pansy. I don't care.

So here's to the assholes of the Internet- the people who are too spineless to face a response to their words, but post them anyway. That is what the internet is for, after all, speaking your mind with the ability to remain in the shadows. I respect your choice, I respect your rights, and I challenge you to sign when you flame me, simply because I love a good fight.

So Oz, if you deem fit, I vote you allow anonymous comments. They don't hurt anyone.

Amy out.

Woo! Idiocy! In comment form!

"Anonymous said...

Amy, your ability to spout absolute crap without making a point never ceases to amaze. Your review was uninformative at best, and I'm not sure you realize what the word prose means. Please google define: it and figure this out, as it is really just anything written that isn't a poem, i.e. every other movie ever. Saying that you love prose makes you soudn even dumber, and I hope you die in a car fire. "

Wow. Good sir or madam, your ability to write petty shit never ceases to amaze. It's not enough that you needed to be needlessy petty, you had to do it under the blanket of anonymity, so as to make sure that she can't respond. Hooray! Did your daddy not hug you enough? Was that it? Honestly, I'd have no problem if you'd been upfront with who you were, so she could at least retort to your stream of concentrated bullshit.

So she screwed up a word. Big fucking deal! Log in and let her know. Oh, what's that? You want her to die in a car fire? Wow. Not only unoriginal, but also mildly retarded. And yes, I mean that in the sense that whomever wrote this has a learning disability.

Morons of the internet, at least show your faces. That way they can get punched.

Sorry, Amy. I felt a compelling need to chastise.

Love'N'Kisses!

-Gregor

A rather interesting concept, to say the least.

A Doomsday Vault, you say?

It kind of makes me wonder wether or not it'll even need to be used for its designed purpose. :(

In any event, mark your maps with the Svalbard Islands, boys and girls. And in case of Apocalypse, we'll have a plan!

-Gregor

Pirates- the porn with everything except sex

I thought I'd start the weekend off with a porn review. The lucky movie this week is the old-news, but everlasting in its amusement value porn "Pirates." Yes, pirates. The one next to "Pirates of the Caribbean" at Blockbuster that who knows how many parents have unwittingly rented for their kiddies. I can see it now...
"Mommy, where's Johnny Depp?"
"Hm?"
*parent turns around*
"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!"

Oh yeah. Review. Getting back to that...

This film has everything you need for a slightly inebriated night with your friends (hey, maybe even a girl if you're lucky) full of laughs, amazement and not remembering what happened after that second bottle of jager. I should stress that this "porn" really isn't very good at the whole sex bit. The plot is at the same level of our all-amusing friend Oz when he hasn't slept and is downloading things that we all know will rape his eyeballs and innocent mind.
(I think she means the 1978 version of Battlestar Galactica. It's horrible. -Oz)(don't say I didn't warn you loudly and assuredly that you'd regret it- Amy)
The women are smokin' hot, and, at least one of them, natural (!!!), I'm fairly certain theres entire scenes written entirely in prose (and for those who aren't as Shakespeare savvy as Gregor and I, when I say prose, I mean iambic pentameter), and there's skeletons. Yes, that's right, skeletons. They have nothing to do with the plot, but as far as I can tell, they make the movie 100% better.

A word of advice: make sure you don't get the R rated version. If "Pirates" the porno lacks sufficient quantity (meaning there's a plot instead of all sex) nudity, you won't get more with a decreased rating.
So, overall, my summary:
GRADE: B-
acting: C-
script: B (okay, I'm a sucker for prose)
hot chicks: A
sex: D
awesome factor: A

Look for your next porn review just as soon as I find one worth writing about.
Amy out.

As I await my ride back to California, I'm sitting in the Backspace Cafe in downtown Portland. Filled with pool tables, local art instillations, chess tables ready to go, and about twenty or so computers for LANing, it's definite a stop for any geek in the City of Roses. Highly recommended to any House Geek individual or their friends!

I was on CNN.com just now, and I found the most fascinating article wedged away in the 'Politics' section.

I also found this one hiding away in 'World.'

But now let's see what exactly the front page article was.

It's times like this that a governmental media coverup seems to me not just possible, but likely.

Dear America: IT'S OKAY TO IMPEACH TWO PRESIDENTS IN A ROW. NO ONE WILL THINK THAT YOU'RE BEING UNORIGINAL.

Love'n'Kisses!

-Gregor

Dear Nicholas Cage- Please Reconsider.

I will preface this lilting tirade of arrogance with this fact: I fundamentally do not like Ghost Rider. I believe that, as a character, he is simply an excuse by Marvel to jump on the growing popularity of the 'Easy Rider/Evel Knievel' fads of the late 60s, early 70s; His powers are lame, his look is stupid, and his appeal is, to me, questionable. Anyone who is a die-hard fan of Ghost Rider gets dubiosity points in my book without any questions asked.

That said, Nicholas Cage is set to ruin him irreparably.

This shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but for the facts that A.) He is a Marvel creation and B.) He, if used correctly, can be a good supporting character. He could serve as a servant to Mephisto and antagonize Dr, Strange; he could join the Avengers as a reserve member or, to take an opposite view, take on the mantle of one of the Masters of Evil. Giving him his own book, let alone his own feature film, is a worse idea than watching anything other than the special edition Director's Cut of Daredevil (of which a review is forthcoming, I promise). So why does the fact that Nicholas Cage is playing Johnny Blaze make me want to expose myself to a dangerous levels of gamma rays in hopes of one day turning into a creature capable of utterly destroying anyone who had anything to do with his casting? Well, namely it's because of the story itself.

You see, Johnny Blaze has more to him than most people know. His parents died at an early age, attaching himself to a foster family and involving himself in a relationship with his foster sister that bordered on incest due to his incredible repression of his original childhood memories. He sells his soul to a demon to save his foster father from dying of cancer, only to have his father die in a motorcycle stunt close afterwards. On top of all of that, Mephisto forces him to cruise around on a flaming motorcycle avenging innocents.

And Nicholas Cage is expected to cram ALL OF THAT in a two hour movie.

I mean, he's done some good work. Leaving Las Vegas, 8mm, even (a guilty pleasure of mine,) The Rock. But now he has to communicate a plethora of neuroses, emotions, and most importantly, a spirit of all consuming VENGANCE? Nic, you're money, but YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

Anyone, name me ONE FILM wherein Mr. Cage shows talent that could encapsulate an elemental force made up of rage and lust for revenge. You can't.

And a note to Marvel: ONLY LISCENCE CHARACTERS THAT CAN BE MADE INTO MOVIES EASILY.

Wait, I'll rephrase.

To Marvel: ONLY LISCENCE CHARACTERS THAT WILL BE GOOD MOVIES.

Huh. Anyone disagree? I'll gladly debate, and/or be proven wrong.

-Gregor

Such Mourning

With the death of Anna Nicole Smith I feel I've lost a part of me. I am filled with such sorrow I don't know what to do with myself~

A cornerstone in my introduction to pornography has fallen, and I am now lost.

Who will help me in this dark time, who will help us all?

"'Cause I'm a-leaving on my jet plane..."

I hate to post in front of Xeno's fine tribute to the internet (see immediately below), but the folks over at Alaska Robotics have made a different sort of tribute, one to our late governor Frank Murkowski. It's worthy of a laugh, a few laughs, or, really, if you're a true Alaskan, a whole bucket of lulz.

Check it out.

Enacting the Internet

Hello, Internets.

It's late and I'm feeling fairly philosophical, so I thought we'd have a little chat. See, you've grown up, Internets. You're no longer some awkward tool utilized by geeks and hackers. True, you're not quite the cyberspace dream that many a science fiction writer from the 80's or 90's might have envisioned. In terms of the metaphor, the major hormonal changes have taken place, but your role isn't quite clear.

There's some people that might talk about the blogosphere, and the way it's changing journalism. There's some that might talk of small business, e-trading, or cottage industries, creating a weird space for entrepreneurs and new industries. We could talk about MySpace, p2p, bit torrent, RSS feeds, YouTube, and just what all this has done to the way we consume media. There's a fair few of us in HG who might wax poetic about MUDs, MMO's, Counterstrike, Warcraft, Everquest, hell, even Kingdom of Loathing, and what all this means to the future of our favorite pastime.

Some people call it Community. With the capital letter and everything.

So what is it? Beyond discussions of mere crude infrastructure, of tubes and their series, at any level you wish to look, the fundamental nature of the internet is the exchange of information. In this sense, I think we can call this not a place, in dependant and sustained, but an act, ever changing as it is enacted by users. The Internet, then, is people engaged in willful connection with others to exchange information.

I want to be clear that we're talking not about a place, but something enacted by people. This means the internet has no rules. Not in the normal sense. There's a bleed-over effect from local culture and codes, but nothing is solid. Everything is fair game.

Now, if that is true, why isn't this all chaos? It's here I'll give the folks who say Community a nod; there are basic forces at work here in this non-place, forces nearly indistinguishable from those enacted by culture. This may not be a community, but communication is happening, perhaps more fluidly than ever before.

Ideas float freely, are examined quickly, free of pretense, analyzed, disseminated. The only cap on the evolution of ideas is bandwith. But the driving force here isn't natural selection, it's popularity.

Ideas people like get saved, bookmarked, linked. They thrive on page views, fanmail, hatemail, user-created content (fanart).

With ideas melding and becoming new ideas so quickly, it's interesting that nothing every gets thrown away. Huge databases sit in air conditioned rooms, quietly holding their archives until that day when someone needs the information they store. Old ideas, saved for a future date to be formed into something new.

And then we have the House Geek News Service. Very few people may ever read this, or indeed, find it useful or entertaining. But it's here. Our little collection of ideas, our contribution to enacting the internet.

The City of Next Week (a brief re/preview).

Recently, I've gone on something of a downloading binge. And when I mean binge, I mean it in a very real, hard-drive filling sense. I view it as something of an opportunity to have a look at some shows/movies/etc that have intrigued me for some time. Among this torrent (ha, ha!) of new media, I've come across something of a gem in Max Headroom.

Firstly, it's really, really quite prudent to note that the show is just about as old as I am. A little younger, to be perfectly fair, it was canceled, precisely, on my second birthday, after running for only a little over a year. With this in mind, the opening theme is in classic "overload-your-senses-with-synths-because-rock-is-dead" 80s-style, the special effects (aside Max himself) aren't stellar, and you'll be repeatedly stricken with the feeling "I think I've seen that guy before.

Don't let that frighten you off, though. The pilot of Max Headroom at the very least is full of dark hilarity, decent acting, a wonderful multitude of Cyberpunk themes (Wikipedia calls it the first prime-time cyberpunk show in the United States), and a strange sort of prescience on more than one occasion.

I found torrents of seasons one and two on ISOHunt, and as they've been released by the Digital Archive Project, they're guilt-free (the series proper has not been offered on DVD). You can get the series there, or simply wait until the next LAN.

Oz K. Fodrotski out.

Fear my Tentacled Might!

Someone please explain to me why school counselors ignore the imminent arrival of college applications and deadlines until months after our parents have begun pestering and harassing us about things over a year away. Luckily, I come prepared with the news that I have rifle scholarships available and I'm on top of things, thank you very much.

Then they ask me what I want to study.

Apparently saying "I want to design video games" makes me turn into a giant, tentacled eyeball that fears people and sics my evil orcs on your healer.

Or something.

I have never seen someone look as shell-shocked over the news that a teenage knows what she wants to do with her life as mine did a few minutes ago. Her eyes glazed over, slack-jawed, that ever-amusing "uhhhhrrrrr" emitting... you'd think I'd told her I want to kill babies for a living. (Not that'd I'd object to that. Damn kids.) It got even better when I told her that the school I'm eyeballing has a well-developed computer sciences and graphics design program, as well as is located in a convenient area near the headquarters for major game companies. This was followed by the information that I'm taking classes already to prepare myself.

The poor women looked like my Mom did when I came home with a $300 processor for Gopher.

By the way, if you haven't done so already, go pick up "Wolverine: Origins." It tells a bit of the early history of everyone's favorite X-man (ok, so there are cooler characters. Shhh.) and is visually stunning, as well as has a functional and riveting plot to keep you reading.

Time to go shoot of emails to schools and appease the women in my life.

Amy out.

So, here in Bouldertown. And you know what's bugging me? Oddly enough, that the snow won't go away. See, I have no car. Thus, I have to bike or ride a bus to and from school. And I'm not the kind of guy that likes being reliant on busses to get around. The problem is, remember all those blizzards around winter break? Well, all that snow is still here. And it's supposed to be gone by now. Long ago, actually. And thus, my problem. I have a road bike. With slick tires. So biking on my snowy street (which they don't plow, by the way) is a very good form of suicide. Thus I am stuck reliant on busses, and I don't like it. And this gets me back to the original point of: The snow just won't go away. narr.

Clark's Third Law

Who knows how your computer works? I know I don't. I'm also pretty sure you don't. Sure, you're a geek, no doubt, who can talk big of flashing a cmos or reformatting and installing a Linux partition, or replacing your stock heatsink with some l33t water-cooling, but odds are you don't know much more than a general idea how it all works. "Ones and zeroes," you might say, but your understanding stops there. How those ones and zeroes interact to form the pretty pictures on your screen, how the electrical signals somehow magically get transported across the innards of your computer at unimaginable speeds to process video or determine how a simulated particle flies is only understandable in the very basics. Odds are, you probably don't know what all the little thingy-ma-jiggers on a circuit board do. Those few that do probably don't really know what the software engineers that make the OSes or the applications for those OSes do with all those electrical parts. And, if by some freak chance you actually have a good idea on both...well, then it's likely you have no idea at all how your car works.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Clark's Third Law has been made manifest. We may not call it as such, but magic it is nonetheless. Not sure what's gone wrong with your computer? Mysterious dll errors? You don't for a second pretend to know what's really going on; you can only offer quick fixes.

In many senses, today's technology is like religion of old. Instead of offering up sacrifices of young lambs, however, we reformat our computers, or buy new parts. We have our priests, our patron gods and saints. One day our technology may do as old religions did and wrap everything up into one monolithic monotheistic (monotechnistic?) explanation of it all.

The key difference, of course, between then and now is that we know something is behind it all. We may not know what, we may not know how, or why. But we know it's something wrought by man, something tangible, something that, given sufficient time, we might just figure it out.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Bah! I say, if a technology does not seem like magic to those not steeped in its inner workings, then it is not sufficiently advanced! We are in an age of black-box code, of thousands and thousands of interconnecting bits of technology that don't care how any of the other parts get it done, they just do it. A web browser, independent of platform. An OS capable of running on radically different machines. APIs and drivers independent of OS. How does anyone get anything done? It's certainly not through hoping things work, but it's equally certain that it's not through understanding it all. Technology has gone past the point of any one person's understanding, so one might well be tempted to say magic...except that you know that it isn't.

I'm not quite sure where I was going with this.

Ab B. Lancaster out.

Because, really, we'd do it for free.

Welcome, one and all, to the House Geek News Service, providing whoever happens to stumble upon this blog with a variety of interesting postings. Soon, we should have a few more editors, so things will begin to get interesting around here. Stay tuned!

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